just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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