Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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