at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
