there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
