Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
