Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
