He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
