mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
