How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
