Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
