Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
