jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
