when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
