So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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