I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
