how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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