Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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