there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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