dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
