call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
