I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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