You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
