He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
