I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
