What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
