I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize