Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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