My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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