um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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