You're my little dorito
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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