im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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