when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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