marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
