and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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