so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
