my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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