It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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