Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize