pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
