he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
