He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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