My liver just broke up with me...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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