Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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