oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
