He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
