And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
