break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
