They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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