I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
