You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
