I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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