I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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