HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's always time for handjobs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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