I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
