i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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