How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
