No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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