Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
