Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
