yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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