literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
