Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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