Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
